The Swan in the closet
by LovingUkillsMe
Summary: Why is there a Swan standing in Regina's closet? It surely has something to do with p o r n... A little Swan Queen something. Love. Fun. Crack. Rated T for language.
1. The Swan in the closet

**A/N: This is just a short something... If you want more, let me know. ;) **

**All mistakes are mine. I hope you like it. ENJOY! :)**

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**The Swan in the closet**

"Have you seen Emma?" Henry asked David who sat on the couch in the Charmings' apartment.

"I think she wanted to do some magi… I mean something with Regina." Charming replied and chuckled awkwardly.

The boy raised one of his eyebrows in a very Regina-like manner and asked. "You know you can tell me if they're having sex. I'm old enough. I know about these things."

Charming's eyes nearly popped out of his head at the response before Snow suddenly came around the corner, screaming. "FOR THE LOVE OF GREAT TITS, THEY'RE NOT GAY!"

"Well, I don't know about Regina but my mom's gay as a rainbow." Henry replied as he shrugged his shoulders.

This time, Snow looked quite shocked when she heard the boy's words. Charming just nodded lightly and gained himself a smack on the arm.

"OUR DAUGHTER IS NOT GAY! THIS IS DISASTROUS!" The woman with the pixie-haircut screamed.

"Um, what daughter?" Henry asked, looking quite confused.

"Don't listen to her. Her pregnancy hormones are driving her crazy." Charming said and rolled his eyes.

The boy spoke up as he made his way out of the apartment.

"Anyway, I think I'm going to look for my mother."

Once he was outside, he huffed out deeply, thinking that the people in Storybrooke were all freaking out of their minds.

On the way to the mansion, Henry met the weird pirate who often had to take care of him when Emma was having "something" with Regina. Henry was pretty sure that "something" stood for sex. One way or another, he was forced to speak to Hook.

The stinky pirate luckily spoke up first. "Hello mate. Looking for your mom?"

"Yeah." Henry replied in a bored manner.

"Need a hand?" Hook asked as he intently eyed the young boy.

…

After a few hours of discussing whether the term "need a hand" was appropriate for Hook or not, the two guys made their way to the mansion.

**At the mansion**

"That is quite a beautiful Swan, standing in your closet." Hook spoke up seductively as he stood in the mansion's kitchen, examining everything.

Before Regina could speak up, Snow suddenly popped out of nowhere and screamed.

"IT'S PORN!"

The brunette chuckled breathily and said with a husky voice, "Indeed, that is what we've just performed." Regina turned to the closet and continued, "Darling, you can come out of the closet now."

Emma opened the glass doors and hopped out of the closet, smiling sheepishly at her not-so-secret secret lover.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THERE?" Snow asked loudly.

"Um, we were having se… something." The blonde replied dumbly.

All of a sudden, the boy laughed breathily before he managed to speak up.

"I knew it! You were having sex with each other."

**THE END … or would you want more? **


	2. Operation S E X

**A/N: This will probably just be a selection of kinky times and some crack. If you have any ideas, let me know! **

**This was inspired by a prompt from ****butterflykisses0! I hope all of you like this. :)**

**ENJOY!**

**Operation S. E. X.**

**_..._**

**_One week later_**

"So how's the sex going, mommies?" Henry asked sheepishly as he stood in the kitchen with his two mothers.

Emma choked on her water, of which she just wanted to take a sip and Regina's eyes nearly popped out of her head. The brunette cleared her throat and was the first one to speak up while the blonde just blushed.

"Henry, darling, I don't suppose that this is an appropriate topic to discuss."

The boy frowned a little at that and just shrugged his shoulders before he made his way out of the mansion, saying, "I'm off to school. Don't have sex in my bed again!"

This time, both of them looked equally shocked as they stared at one another with open mouths. Emma miraculously managed to say something after a while of utter silence.

"How does he even know?"

Regina just shook her head, indicating that she had absolutely no clue. However, she thought that maybe he had heard of their Operation called "Fucking Everywhere" or whatever. Emma came up with a new name every day.

The brunette spoke up with a husky voice, "Anyhow, Henry is out of the house. So would you like to fuck me senseless?"

The blonde gulped at the words, looking at Regina's lips as the brunette licked them seductively. Emma blinked a few times before she nodded enthusiastically. The brunette just chuckled breathily at the woman's response.

**_After an hour_**

"Why is Emma laying in front of your washing machine, looking like she just passed out?" Snow asked, eyeing Regina intently.

"I suppose she passed out." The brunette replied dryly as she rolled her eyes at the other woman's stupidity.

The woman with the pixie haircut continued, "Oh, okay, but why is she naked?"

"We had advanced lesbian sex and it was too fucking incredible." Regina said silently, smirking at Snow.

Snow just looked confused as she asked, "What?"

"Nothing, dear. She just did my laundry and hers so…" The brunette spoke up but suddenly had no idea what to say anymore. Luckily, the woman with the pixie haircut already interrupted her once more.

"Yeah, I get that. Doing the laundry can be quite exhausting." Snow huffed out in an exhausted kind of way.

"Exactly, dear." Regina said, looking slightly confused but pretended to just agree with the woman.

After a while of looking at the unmoving and naked body of the blonde, Regina suggested, "Snow, how about you pick Henry up from school and I'll take care of Emma?"

"Yes, of course." The woman with the pixie haircut said and made her way out of the mansion.

Once Snow was gone, Regina spoke up again, "Emma, the coast is clear."

A loud huff left the blonde's lungs once she stood up and asked, "Do you think my mother's on to us?"

"Well, theoretically she already knows that we had sex, at least she found out a week ago… but it seems to me that she's even more idiotic than you or she just doesn't want to acknowledge the facts." Regina replied dryly.

"That's good I guess. Where should we continue Operation Coming Home? Maybe we should come somewhere else?" Emma grinned wickedly as she said that.

"Well, you already came in and out of the closet. How about we continue this at the Sheriff's station?" The brunette suggested with a smirk and a wink.

"Sounds kinky to me." The other woman responded as she chuckled a little.


End file.
